


Fear

by Cristinuke



Series: Nightmares [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 15:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4354616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cristinuke/pseuds/Cristinuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky wakes up scared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear

Steve was already awake when Jarvis started speaking, "Captain Rogers, I should inform you that-,"

"Bucky?" Steve interrupted, even as he was getting up from his bed. His sheets had been long kicked off in numerous failed attempts to fall asleep.

"Yes, sir. His vitals are once again, alarming. He appears to be still asleep, however."

Steve was already jogging down the hall and skidded to a halt just outside Bucky's door by the time that Jarvis finished speaking.

Steve could hear ragged moans and whimpers coming from inside the room, and he carefully opened the door.

Bucky was tossing and turning in his bed, sweat shining in the dim light that Jarvis had helpfully raised. His chest was heaving with harsh gasps, and both of his fists were clenched tightly, the tendons and muscles in his flesh arm standing out, and the metal plates shifting into and out of place on his left arm.

"Hey, hey Bucky, it's okay," Steve murmured softly, trying to wake Bucky up as gently as he could. His arms were outstretched, wanting to reach out and touch Bucky, but he reigned himself back, knowing that sometimes touching him while caught in the middle of a nightmare could end up making everything worse.

"Buck, you gotta wake up, it's okay," Steve couldn't help the strained tone of his voice as he begged Bucky, but it was useless. Bucky was making horrible, strangled noises that seemed to get caught in his throat, only to claw its way out of his clenched teeth.

Steeling himself for the worst, Steve decided to close the gap between the two of them; his fingers had barely brushed the damp skin of Bucky's flesh forearm before Bucky woke up screaming in terror.

Steve backed up immediately, hands falling by his sides with his palms outward to project surrender, but it didn't seem to register with Bucky who was gasping harshly, eyes wide with complete and total fear. He was holding himself unnaturally still, save for his shuddering breathing, for a moment before he suddenly scrambled off of the bed, in the opposite direction of where Steve was. He stumbled over to the far corner of the room, slamming bodily against the wall, before becoming unable to keep himself up. He slid ungracefully onto the floor, folding into a tight defense pose and wedging himself into the corner as deeply as he could.

Steve stayed still, and watched as Bucky stared at him with panicked eyes, looking like a trapped animal. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was damp, strands sticking to his skin in a wild mess. His mouth was hanging open as he breathed in sharply, nearing close to hyperventilation. He didn't move a muscle, all of his focus on Steve, who immediately realized that he was the threat in this scenario.

Telegraphing his every move, Steve spoke gently, "Hey, Buck, it's okay. It's me, Steve." Sometimes Bucky forgot, much to Steve's pained hopes, and with building dread, Steve thought that this might be one of those times. "Do you remember me?"

Bucky let out a harsh breath and his body shuddered hard, despite the tight way that he was holding himself, metal hand digging hard into his own flesh.

"Stop it, just stop it." Bucky closed his eyes tight, frowning hard and shaking his head desperately.

Steve kept going, trying to calm him down with the usual facts. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. You were-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Bucky screamed, trembling harder than before. "Just go away, I promise I'll be good, I _promise_ , just make _him_ go away, please, I'm sorry," Bucky's breath was hitching with broken sobs, and he curled into himself even tighter. Steve could see the way that Bucky's nails were digging into the flesh of his back with how far he'd reached around himself.

"Make who go away, Buck? It's just me, it's okay-" Steve tried, taking another cautious step forward.

"Please, I can't,- I don't want to see him get hurt again, please, leave him alone, I’m sorry. I promise I'll be good, I promise…" Bucky's words started slurring near the end, and he still refused to open his eyes.

"Who, Bucky? You're safe here, I promise,"

"Steve!" Bucky cried out hoarsely. "Just stop it, please, don't hurt him anymore, I'll do what you want, I'll do it, I'll do it…"

Steve was distantly proud that Bucky knew his name, at the least, even though he had no idea where Bucky was in his head. "Hurt who?" Steve had stopped a couple feet away from Bucky, crouching low so that he was at the same level as Bucky. Bucky whimpered and jerked back against the wall when he heard Steve's voice.

In a belated burst of insight, Steve realized that Bucky was talking about Steve himself. That Steve was the 'him' in Bucky's scenario. From there, it didn't take long for Steve to piece together that this was one of the ways that HYDRA had first gained Bucky's cooperation, by inducing hallucinations of Steve getting hurt. He remembered the way that Bucky had gone quiet at the memories when he had told Steve.

Now, Steve knew that Bucky thought he was a hallucination, a punishment for something he'd done wrong. And Bucky couldn't handle that, not again, not after everything he'd been through.

"I’m real, Bucky, I promise, I can prove it to you." Steve stifled his heartbreak at watching Bucky shake his head in denial. "We're here in Stark Tower, safe, in the 21st Century. We grew up together, in the 1920's, and fought in the war together. But you fell, and got taken by HYDRA, and they forced you into becoming the Winter Soldier." Steve hated having to lay out each fact so coldly, but he knew that he'd do it all night long if it got Bucky to snap out of the mental block he was stuck in.

Bucky, for his part, still refused to look at Steve.

Steve kept going, outlining the basic facts of themselves. Then he started talking about specific things.

"We were twelve, I think. We had just come home from school, and your jeans were all ripped up from having fought with the Flannigan kid who I'd picked a fight with. He had pushed you into Mrs. Silverman's rose garden, and you got all scratched up from the thorns. I spent two hours with the tweezers, trying to get each thorn out, and you had been so brave, tryn' not to cry in front of me, and-,"

Steve didn't get to finish, because he realized the exact moment that his words threw Bucky into even more panic, hands coming up to cover his ears, shaking his head violently and crying out, "Stop it! Stop it! Please! Stop! Leave them alone, please don't take them anymore, please, please…"

It dawned on Steve that Bucky was talking about their shared memories. Stupidly, Steve thought that bringing up memories of their times together would help nudge Bucky onto the right track, but clearly Bucky thought that he was still in HYDRA's grasp. And of course _they_ had extracted and twisted Bucky's memories of the two of them, corrupting them and forcing Bucky to destroy his own mind.

So Steve started telling him stories about the Avengers, and about his missions, always making sure that nothing could lead back to Bucky in any way.

Slowly, Bucky unfurled himself a little bit; enough for him to relax his arms back around himself. He finally opened his eyes again, though he'd taken to staring at nothing while Steve kept talking. Steve had long sat down on the floor, knowing that this would be a long night.

Sure enough, it wasn't until dawn that Bucky finally gave in to his exhaustion. Too long being hyper-vigilant and tense, his body was shutting down, eyes drooping and gaze wavering. Even propped up against the wall like he was, wasn't enough to keep him upright.

"Hey, there we go, easy, I've got you." Steve murmured as he caught Bucky before he fell over. Bucky allowed Steve's grip on him, and didn't make a sound as Steve brought him back to his bed. He was simply too tired to fight back, and, Steve noticed, too cold to turn away from the warmth of Steve; Bucky's fingers had tangled tightly in Steve's sleep shirt and he pressed himself against Steve's chest. He was crashing hard, and Steve knew that the lingering fear that Bucky was still feeling wasn't enough to keep him awake for long anymore.

"I'm here, I got you, you're okay." Steve arranged themselves, lying down comfortably on the bed, with Steve bracketing as much of Bucky as he could. Bucky was still holding onto Steve's shirt, but Steve simply maneuvered around so that it was easy on the both of them.

"Steve?" Bucky's voice was raspy and brittle.

"Yeah, Buck, it's me. I'm real, I'm here. I’m not leaving you." Steve whispered fervently, tightening his grip on Bucky.

Bucky's "Steve…" was slurred and too quiet, but Steve just hummed in assent, slowly coaxing him back to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought! :D


End file.
